Is it normal to resent my stepchildren during pregnancy

But there are times I really resent that I don't get to have a normal first pregnancy experience with dh. Atleast I'm not alone. Sorry we all feel this way while pregnant.

It really sucks! And I fel so guilty! But I just don't like her while I'm pregnant! So is there any way to make it better? I know nothing made it better while pregnant with dd.

Any advice that helped you ladies? I just had my daughter 12 weeks ago, but the entire time I was pregnant I felt awful resentment towards my 9 year old ss That killed me, because in a way I would love to have a clueless husband that I had to teach all the pregnancy and baby basics to! Sometimes he would fake it and pretend he didn't know something but I know he did Ya know?

You aren't alone though, is my point! That always makes me feel at least a little better so I hope it makes you feel better too. I was the exact same way for both pregnancies. The parts of our nature that reacts instinctively to nurture and develop your own pure offspring a dna relection of ourselves that perhaps we bond with via pheromones and the like.

It is probably very normal for you to have these feelings as they are probably part of the drive to ensure the survival of you own offspring. While growing up on a sheep station in Central Otago NZ I would frequently witness lambs rejected by other mothers if the lambs mother had died.

To fool the mother we sometimes had to take the pelt of a dead lamb and layer it like a jacket onto the lamb we hoped to graft to another mother so that the mother was tricked into smelling and accepting the lamb as there. At a certain level perhaps we underestimate power of this natural bond. But with one big difference. We are human and we have a choice.

Hope these thoughts help. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your feelings are valid. The best thing to happen to me so far as a step-mother was for me to read a book by Wednesday Marten called Stepmonster. Sounds awful, but trust me…it was a very liberating experience.

Order it today! I know I try to separate myself from his past in many ways and this comment does not allow you to do that. I do agree. I have my own 2 now teengers their father passed now starting over with new father and twins now 3. It is different when children are not your own. I feel as long as everyone feels they are part of the family and loved is 1, together each family can make it together, day to day may be a struggle but there must be love, for each person in each family.

It is hard but all efforts will pay off in the long run. Good luck and pray each day. As I read your message it was almost as though I had written it myself! I also have the same issue. I know its crazy but it just happens. I am not sure how to overcome the feelings.

Lately I have also noticed that I am trying to fault my step daughter. I generally feel tense when she is at our house and relaxed when she is at her mothers. Very reaffirming to know that these feelings are natural and experienced by many.

I love my stepkids heaps but have struggled to come to a balance between my one and bump on way and different needs of the older kids. Blended families have such different issues than normal families but great to feel that we can talk and discuss these issues. You are not alone, and I think your feelings are valid! And as they got older she still treated him in mean and selfish way. I was the one who actually tried to make connections between the visual or behavioral resemblances to try to get her accept him as her brother.

After many years she is 23 and he is 14 they have become friends and even siblings. Her dad and I could not stay together due to many problems but I am glad that the two siblings have eachother. I dont think you need to talk to your daughter about this, but do try to communicate with your hubby. You are a fortunate step-mom if you actually feel love toward your step daughter and you are probably a good parent and good person.

Keep the lines of communication open between you and your husband and it will work itself out. There are negative sides to having stepchildren. After 20 years, I love my stepchildren. My husband and I have a daughter of our own who is 12 years old. I want her to celebrate that she has these wonderful people siblings that were brought about by the tragedy that is divorce.

She is 12 and has 4 nephews and 1 niece already. My husband is 12 years older than me and had 4 children from a previous marriage. Everything your feeling is, to me, normal. Just remember to do what is right and just, regardless of what you feel. What if your child were the stepchild? All that stepchild is — is one more person to adore your child.

My daughter is on a trip right now and she is miserable with one of the people on the trip. Her consolation prize that is keeping her going? A visit with her stepsister who, by the way, talked with her on the phone last night and made her feel much better and her 4 year old son to the movies when she gets back.

Being a stepparent is very hard work. Having a newborn is very hard work. Give yourself some time to adjust, but please celebrate that your little baby already has a special bond with another child.

How cute will that be?? The other 50 percent? Well, I just keep on praying:. I also know exactly how you are feeling- the only difference being I have always felt resentful towards my step-daughter! And it makes me feel like I am an awful person. Since having my own daughter, the feelings of resentment have subsided somewhat as our weekends do not now purely revolve around her, but also revolve around my 9 month old.

Her step-sister is also good with her. But like the last writer, I have found myself getting more tense when she is around and relieved when she leaves. I do not love her, but like her. I love my daughter more than anything in the world.

It is a natural love than requires no effort. I feel guilty about this but its the truth. I wish I had a magic wand I could wave to remove the feelings I have. I wish I could offer you some advice.

I can so relate. Infact I struggle to even like her some days. I have 2 children of my own who I love so deeply. Good luck. I can relate to how your feeling.

There is so much to cope with when you have a new baby that you get easily wound up by these sorts of comments. Registry Builder New. Posting as. Community Guidelines Community Glossary. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. Learn more about our guidelines Just so you know, What to Expect may make commissions on shopping links on this page.

Newest First. Violation Reported. Show 5 Previous Comments. Maryb, I could of written this I'm currently feeling all of this. Maryb, This is exactly how things are with me and my 5 yr old step daughter now.. Is it affecting your relationship with you SO?? Show 3 Previous Comments. Any tips from anyone on how to shake up my mindset and look more positively Thanks.

SBAgs21, ugh same here girl. I feel like I wrote this myself. How old is your baby? I used to feel some of what you are feeling but it got better as time went on. My son is 17 months now. I see how much my LO adores his big brother and it warms my heart. Your Guide to the First Trimester of Pregnancy. Your Guide to the Second Trimester of Pregnancy.

Latest: 2 years ago sciencemom. Long post warningAnyone else have stepkids? How are they handling the baby? I have an 11 year old stepdaughter. SD has only really known her parents divorced. I met DH shortly after his divorce, but we Latest: 4 years ago GamerMom WTE Must Reads. Jump to Your Week of Pregnancy. Pregnancy Week. Trending On What to Expect. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. Moms Discuss Family Planning.

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